Last week we began a 21-day fast. J. Mike & I decided to fast till dusk each day. It is basic knowledge that I have an obsession with food. I always have. It is what my days are oriented around. What will I eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, in-between, before bed. Food has always brought me joy. And my body physically believes that I need an overabundance of it. Just a few hours into this fast, and my body is telling my mind that it is going to shut down in protest. Even though I know that it is impossible to die from missing two meals, my body is trying to convince me otherwise.
Since entering motherhood I have chose alternative fasts instead of giving up food. But this time around it was important to change multiple habits in my life. All of these relate to self control. The thing is that I need to be in charge of my thoughts. I want my mind to be a garden that I am in charge of. Where I sow fruit and tend to. And right now it is very much in need of weeding. Weeding out all of the negativity, the false beliefs, the fear. I have allowed many things to grow in my mind that just don’t belong there.
It seems silly to me that removing food could bring such clarity. But I have realized that the way I think of food is how I should think of God. Constantly. First and foremost. Continuously without stopping. When my body craves for food I try to find something to thank God for, or just say a quick prayer. I never realized how much I think about eating within one day. And I never realized how dependent I tend to become on the wrong things in life.
All of my habits of course can’t change in seven days. When the fast is over, we will go back to eating normal meals. But I hope to carry with me the habit of kneeling at the feet of the Father multiple times throughout the day. And staying in the position of worship regardless of what I am doing. I suppose that has been my unspoken desire for daily life, just not my habit. So now I am speaking it, and doing it.