I find myself becoming more and more like my mother. Thoughtfully analyzing a question before my response, caring for others before myself. Instead of the impulsive, wild, quick to attack, acting with no regard to consequences version of myself that I know so well. Part of me cringes in fear in acknowledging these changes. But most of me is at peace with letting go of how I’m used to viewing myself and embracing who I know God is requiring me to be.
Do you ever just have word vomits? I was cleaning out my son’s potty as those words stormed out of me. With Lysol in hand, it was as if my spirit threw up those words and they immediately resonated within me. I’m not sure if the motherly duties are what spurred them into being. But I see those things changing in all the areas of my life. I’m aging. I suppose I should be happy that I’m not seeing the world the same as I did when I was 19. My natural response to getting older is to panic. I imagine myself trying to straddle the line of two extremes: the up all night, single-life girl in her twenties; and the stay at home mom with five kids driving a minivan with play dates as her sole social activity. Neither of those scenarios are bad. If one of those statements describes you- more power to you! But neither are who I am.
I spent the majority of my life thinking that I could only be what I could see. If someone has done it or is it then I can be it too. I had to choose a life based on the options I could see exampled for me. Writing that down seems insane but I struggle with that even now. What is the imagination for if we don’t use it?
It’s an amazing moment when you realize that cookie cutters don’t work on people. And when you stop trying to deform yourself to fit inside of one. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never really tried to be like everyone else. But I have absolutely limited myself based on everyone else. And in turn, I have been limiting what I trust God to do, based on what I have seen. That my friends, is a dangerous thing.
There are very true, very vivid promises that have been spoken over my life that I have disregarded because I can’t see how they fit together. Because I don’t know how I can be a mom and simultaneously take over the world (am I kidding?) Or whatever the case may be. In reality, I didn’t know that I was doing this. I was doubting my own abilities and doubting my dreams because of my narrow-minded view of myself. I also was clinging onto falsehoods of my character based on the decade-old version of myself. What I didn’t realize is that my doubt also reflected my narrow-minded view of who God is.
I’m writing today to encourage you to love who God has made you to be, to dream alongside Him, to let go of what you need to let go of, to be brave enough to pave your own path, and to embrace the unknown. It’s great to have a plan. But having missing pieces in the large puzzle of life allows excellent lessons in faith. God made you who you are for a reason. He put those dreams inside of you. Don’t limit Him, by limiting yourself.
| Peace, love, and all the happy things |