I have become tame and tethered to fear.
I have always thought, “If I could just tame myself, then I could be pleasing to the world.” Maybe I could then be viewed as appropriate. I know that probably seems strange to those who know me because I don’t often try to fit in. But there is always part of me that knows it would be easier just to be like everyone else.
But I believe that God has made me wild. I believe that my idea of taming has only brought me anxiety and worldly expectations that crush me with an unbearable weight. I believe that God has called me to have a reckless faith that I can only have in the fullness of my freedom. I believe he has called me to be bold in obedience. To be wildly strong in my identity as His daughter, and weak by the world’s standard – relying solely on the strength of my father.
I heard someone ask what to do about a strong-willed child, and the response was to train them up in what to be strong-willed for. I have spent so much of my time trying to smother this oversized, awkward passion when I need not apologize for who I am. I only need to refocus what is at the heart of it all.
I refuse to be captive by fear. I refuse to be afraid of truly living. I refuse to allow an environment to dictate who I need to be. I refuse to run from the tension. I will stay in the midst of it until the Father’s work is complete in me.
I choose freedom. I choose to believe the truths that God has stamped on my heart. I choose not to operate out of my brokenness, but to live out of the love the Father has portioned for me – His limitless love.