in the stillness

I’ve always been a city girl. I have kept a fast-paced life which is why New York felt like home to me. I need things to move quickly, to constantly be changing, with new opportunities around each corner. It is how I have lived life.
I constantly tell Mike that if we could just escape the states that I could slow down. Outside of the US, I am who I am truly meant to be. (Grass is greener, right?) The memories of foreign cultures that take their time in life are so attractive to me. Expectations of success aren’t as high. People value the time they spend together. That’s how I spent my childhood, and I long for those times.
I spent years buying into the lie that the culture I’m in must dictate how I live my life. Why do we let lies rule us? We weren’t made to conform to culture.
There is such beauty in the stillness. I sit here enjoying the slow swaying of the trees before me. To live like a tree – allowing the seasons to come and go. They stand so sure of themselves knowing there is a time for everything – embracing each season as they change. Fall fascinates me. The way I see the world changes with the explosion of vibrant colors across the landscape. While I know the leaves are dying, they feel more alive to me now. The depths of colors are never-ending. Their brief glory ushers in the whispers of winter. Fall has this feeling that makes you want to listen to live music and twirl around in the middle of a road in a tiny town. Where we all slow down a bit and take notice of the things around us.
I think I’ll stay in fall and live like a gentle breeze. Not in any particular hurry, but still going somewhere. Following wherever the Lord instructs it to go. On a magical and timeless journey.
I have given up on the resistance to small-town life. I drove “into town” today full of gratitude. What beauty surrounds me. In all the magnificence of New York, my favorite moments were the small and perfect corners of still beauty. In contrast to the rest of the constant activity, they always seemed mesmerizing. I’m just now realizing that I am living fully in the mesmerizing moments, but without contrast, they have seemed less than wonderful.
So I force myself to slow down even more, to see how the light catches on the old brick building with worn window panes. So that I can hear the leaves crunching under my footsteps. So I can hear the sweet whispers of the Lord. What joy there is in the stillness.

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